Never saw this one coming...Who would've thought, just a few weeks ago, that we'd be spending this Christmas without mom. Jen & I were all prepared for the usual holiday travels...Christmas Eve at my folks' house, followed by Christmas day at her mom's house. We were even going to cook the ham mom gave us for Christmas Eve. Mom would've been proud - the ham was amazing!
Due to tight finances in recent years, my family would "pledge" (yeah, right!) not to buy gifts for one another. We'd always seem to find a little something for each other. A regular tradition was for my brother Dan or dad to go to the nearby Walgreen's store & buy inexpensive Christmas gifts (if you've ever been in a Walgreen's at Christmas, you know the type of gifts I'm talking about...over sized candy cane pencils, motorized plush animals that play "Grandma Got Run Over By a Reindeer", etc.) We'd share a Christmas Eve dinner together. A "Funny Face Contest" was almost sure to ensue at some point during the meal. It was raw, it was fun, it was real. A family who loved each other & loved the chance to gather together to celebrate Christ's birth. God has seen our family through so much!
Never saw this one coming...
I've struggled with what to write for this post. Do I stick to "safe" terms? A "typical" Christian with a chance to be an example to others in dealing with the loss of a loved one? Don't get me wrong. I firmly believe that God truly works out "all things for the good of those who serve Him." I've seen it firsthand, and there's not a bit of doubt that God can use this.
Doesn't make it hurt any less.
The loss of my mom has left a gaping hole in my heart. There are times that I remember something she said, see a picture of her on the refrigerator, watch my infant daughter do something new & instinctively want to tell her...I never knew I could weep as deeply as I have in the past few weeks. There are times I wonder if the wound will ever heal.
But healing does come from our Intercessor.
Jesus experienced the depth of loss I'm going through. He sees my tears & is forever faithful. In the midst of the tears, I have found myself increasingly grateful for the gift God gave me in my mom. Truly blessed. My mom was not only a parent, but a friend, a mentor, someone who'd give me a swift "kick" when I needed it. All I can say is "thank you," with a sense of gratitude impossible for words to describe.
As much as I would've liked for her to stick around on this earth for another 15-20 years, God had other plans. In the midst of this season of loss, I'm reminded of something so powerful, it pierces through the sadness.
Mom's with Jesus - how wonderful is that?
1 comment:
I've still cried every single day since the 9th. something might remind me of mom, or I'll just randomly start crying for no reason. Except there is a reason. there will always be a reason, now.
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