Painful Praise

I’ve been experiencing something new in my spiritual life as of late, or at least I’m aware of it now. Probably not surprising considering my life these past 5 months. In that span I’ve lost both parents & experienced a rough start with our newest daughter Hattie. Add to that stresses at work…when it rains, it pours!

Now, I’ve definitely labored in prayer during trials past – health issues, financial struggles, future uncertainties, etc. Through it all I’ve had no doubt as to God’s presence in the midst of it, and His provision has been unmistakable.

Then came that phone call on December 9th, 2008…

The unexpected death of my mom was devastating! I had always imagined her present at my daughters’ weddings. My dad was killed in an accident on April 22nd, forcing us to not only deal with his loss, but also legal difficulties because of how his estate was left. Hattie’s birth, just a couple weeks after that, brought its own worries when she experienced complications requiring specialized care.

Then I realized it…

As the severity of my situation increased, not only was I praying (boy, did I pray), but I found myself praising God as much, if not more! The harder it got, the more grateful I became, confidently aware of God’s presence, even as it seemed my life was spinning out of control.

“I will not in any degree leave you helpless nor forsake nor let you down (relax My hold on you)! Assuredly not!” Hebrews 13:5 Amplified

I have to admit, it was tempting to blame God, especially watching my newborn daughter, unable to hold her as she lay in the nursery with tubes & sensors keeping her from the arms of her helpless parents. “How much more?!” I thought as I stood there, holding Hattie’s tiny hand. I was up to my neck in circumstances that could’ve driven me away from God, trials that have done just that to countless others who’d reached the limits of their trust in God. “If He loved me, He wouldn’t let [fill in the blank].”

Instead, I found myself driven closer to Him. With every cry, every tear, a wave of praise seemed to rise up from the deepest part of me.

“In this you greatly rejoice, though now for a little while you may have had to suffer grief in all kinds of trials. These have come so that your faith – of greater worth than gold, which perishes even though refined by fire – may be proved genuine and may result in praise, glory and honor when Christ Jesus is revealed. Though you have not seen him, you love him; and even though you do not see him now, you believe in him and are filled with an inexpressible and glorious joy, for you are receiving the goal of your faith, the salvation of your souls.” 1 Peter 1:6-9 NIV